This blog is facetiously named in many ways. There are almost always regrets when people make life-changing decisions.
The choice to pursue medical transition related to gender identity is a significant life changing decision. I’ve spent the last few years thinking about the concepts of “regret,” “de-transitioning,” “re-transitioning,” and language like MTFTM or FTMTF. There are different types of and degrees of regret. These are often conflated and confused with bad outcomes as opposed to one changing one’s mind. Sometimes they are bad outcomes, sometimes they are a choice a person makes.
This blog is going to attempt to explore some of that in an effort to support both people who want information about transitioning and people who will no longer follow the path of gender transition. I am neither advocating for anyone to transition or to not transition. I am advocating for accurate information and self-determination. Often, I think that because something succeeded for one person or failed for one person, we use that to say that whole groups of people should follow suit.
I’m interested in what we can learn from failures and from regrets. Understanding why something doesn’t work, helps me understand how to improve what it is that we do have. As a therapist, I am trying to understand how best to provide information to people so they can make informed choices. I do believe that there are people who should transition surgically, hormonally, socially and psychologically. I also believe that there are gender non-conforming people and we need to make the world safe for them whether they transition or not or transitioning in some ways and not others. Some people regret the decisions they made to transition, however they transitioned.
Those folks are still part of the community and part of of the large human community. Therapists and medical providers need to learn how to provide care for them and welcome them back.